Greener than thou…

I’m delighted to see that one of the world’s leading arms manufacturers is developing a new line in ‘green’ weapons.

Director of corporate social responsibility at BAE systems- surely an oxymoron if ever there was one- said,
“Weapons are going to be used and when they are, we try to make them as safe for the user as possible, to limit the collateral damage and to impact as little as possible on the environment”.

I’m not sure whether it’s just users of weapons that should be the objects of concern here, although it’s nice to know that they’re concerned about the landscape that the recipients of these developments will be wheeling themselves around.

Grenades made of biodegradable plastic and quieter warheads, “to reduce noise pollution” should surely be welcomed. The last thing we want to do is exacerbate anyone’s post-traumatic stress syndrome by making them listen to noisy warheads.

In these troubling times, BAE should be lauded for such forward thinking policies, and I’m sure that those who’ve enjoyed the hospitality of the torturers they’ve been funding will be delighted with their new spending patterns.

They should also consider refrigerated wheelie bins around defunct minefields- these would not only warn civilians of their presence but would be a useful depository for spare parts should be anyone hapless enough to wonder in.

Still, they’re heading in the right direction. After all, the landscape has to be sufficiently pleasant for people to want to fight over it. How else are they going to ensure a steady supply of customers in future generations?

Whilst I’m on the subject of eye-watering hypocrisy, I’ll take a moment to mention BP’s current advertising campaign. Telling us to buy into their ‘targetneutral’ campaign and warning us about our ‘carbon footprints’.

All of their U.K delivery trucks are now ‘carbon neutral’ thanks to this ‘not for profit’ scheme. Great, thanks. But WHAT are they delivering, for a tonne of profit? (About $25billion annually, notwithstanding some problems relating to a sketchy safety record).

I’m the first to admit that I’m no angel when it comes to environmental matters. I will, therefore, put up with the odd admonition from Friends of the Earth, Greenpeace and genuinely eco-friendly people- although probably not from i-pod toting, Glastonbury pseudo-hippies whose Yak hair coats were jetted over here at planet raping expense.

As for a lecture from British fucking Petroleum- I don’t think so.

The proportion of their immense wealth that these companies are putting into anything sustainable beyond their bank balance (about 5.7% for BP, 1.1% for Shell) makes me think they must know something I don’t about where this is heading.

Maybe we should just pave the world and be done with it. But this mob playing the ‘green’ card is like the school bully eating all of your sweets and then telling you that you shouldn’t eat sweets because they rot your teeth.